This story is all over the place. There is no flow from point to point. Where are your 5 points? I don't see them posted to the site. Your audio levels aren't even as well. The first interview with Derek sounds awesome and then later it sounds like the mic wasn't used and the camera mic was used instead. This needs major work so let's start with the 5 points and go from there. Post it as well as your latest script and we can begin to edit and improve it.